This is the beginning.  My very first blog about me...for so many years I have been placed into situations or placed myself into situations that need to come out nay be cast out into the light.  I do this for my sanity for growth and to heal. Please don't judge me.  Some may have gone through similar circumstances and some but by the grace of God have not.  One day I hope to smile not only from the outside, but from deep within.  I'm not sure how I will blog, by the minute, day, week or month.  I'm using this as my diary.  A diary that no one in my family  knows that I have. It's my secret. I tried this with a book and pen, my husband found my book and he wasn't happy with what I was writing in it so I just stopped.  The thing with never getting things out is, that they will always come out. They come out in ways that aren't good. Scary. Hurtful. They unleash in a way that tears things apart.  I don't know how this will chronologically unfold, all I know is that whatever needs to come out from this day forward will.  I want to be happy, God help me. I want to be happy. I want to be loved. I want to live in truth....